Knowing and Understanding Your Love Languages

If there’s one thing I’ve learned about relationships, it’s that we all express and receive love differently. What feels like love to one person might not fully register for someone else––and this isn’t always the fault of one individual. If this is happening to you, it may be an opportunity, that’s where understanding the five love languages comes in.

Gary Chapman, the creator behind this concept and author of “The Five Love Languages,” broke the way we give and receive love into five categories:

Words of Affirmation
Acts of Service
Receiving Gifts
Quality Time
Physical Touch

And you can use these categories to help you understand not just how you feel loved, but how to make your partner, friends, and family feel seen and appreciated in a way that truly resonates with them.

Ahead, we’ll cover why love languages matter, how to find your love language, and how understanding them can help you build better relationships.

Why Love Languages Matter

I’ll be honest—before I learned about love languages, I thought I was nailing it when it came to showing my partner how much I cared. I’d spend all my free time with them and shower them with hugs and kisses, yet we’d still end up having awkward conversations where they’d say they didn’t feel truly cared for. I’d even feel frustrated and think, “What do you mean you don’t feel loved? I spend all my free time with you!”

What I didn’t realize back then is that love languages aren’t one-size-fits-all. What makes me feel loved doesn’t necessarily mean the same for someone else—and that’s okay. The key isn’t to assume or guess; it’s to understand how the people in your life feel most cared for and express love in a way that speaks their language.

The 5 Love Languages in Action

Learning about the five love languages has helped me grow closer to everyone in my life. They show us how people feel most loved, and when you start to understand them, everything about your relationships has the potential to grow richer. Now, let’s break them down and see how they come to life.

Words of Affirmation

If this is your love language, hearing “I appreciate you” or “You’re amazing” probably feels like a warm hug. Compliments, encouragement, or even a heartfelt “I love you” go a long way.

Acts of Service

People who value acts of service feel loved when someone takes action to make their life a little easier. This could be as simple as making coffee in the morning or helping with a chore they’ve been dreading.

Receiving Gifts

For someone whose love language is gifts, it’s more about the thought behind the gesture. A small, meaningful present, like their favorite snack or a handpicked flower, can say, “I was thinking about you.”

Quality Time

If you value undivided attention, this one’s for you. Quality Time means feeling loved when someone sets everything aside to just be with you. Distractions or half-hearted conversations, on the other hand? Major turn-offs.

Physical Touch

Hugs, hand-holding, a reassuring pat on the back—these small moments of physical connection mean the world to someone with this love language.

Love Languages Aren’t Just for Romantic Relationships

When I first learned about love languages, I thought it only applied to couples. But it goes way beyond that. You can use love languages with friends, family, and even coworkers (though it may be best to skip the physical touch there unless you want an HR meeting).

For example, your best friend might light up when you send them an encouraging text (Words of Affirmation), while your sibling might feel most loved when you spend an afternoon helping them shop for an event (Acts of Service). Recognizing these differences can help you build better relationships, not just romantic ones.

How to Find Your Love Language

Not sure which love language is yours?

Ask yourself this: What do you crave most in relationships? Do you ever feel neglected and think, “Why doesn’t my partner (or friend) ever do XYZ for me, like I do for them?! Pondering on that for a while might just give you your answer.

And if you want more guidance, I’m here to help.

At Jasmine Coaching and Wellness, I’ve seen firsthand how understanding love languages can transform relationships. Whether it’s learning your own language, figuring out someone else’s, or finding ways to bridge the gap. If you’re ready to connect more deeply with the people in your life, let’s start the conversation.

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